Introduction to a Math Majoring Gamer
(Personal Image from cellphone) Hey everyone, my name is Jacob, and I am currently a senior at the University of Oklahoma, majoring in mathematics. I'll say this, the major is not for the faint of heart. Upper level math courses are pretty difficult! But that's enough about school, I'll tell you a bit about myself. I am twenty-one years old and am currently dating my girlfriend of almost 5 years, Rachel. We have plans to move in together next summer and are working towards that goal. My hobbies include video games, playing soccer, and planning. By planning I mean organizing events and recruiting teams for local leagues. This fall, I recruited two teams to play in OKLCS (Oklahoma League Championship Series), which is an Oklahoma organization that hosts competitive play between teams in League of Legends. I love playing soccer competitively, and can't really play for recreation or I get too competitive. I have five pets, two dogs and three cats. Really only two of
Hi Jacob, I like your first story! Something I think would be really cool to add is some dialogue from the turned to life statue, or to totally twist the ending and make the statue come to life but not be attracted to Pygmalion. Overall though, I liked your take on the story but would like to hear from the statue.
ReplyDeleteI like how you had Venus start with disgust at his actions, then she basically gave him what he wanted for the heck of it, and ended up attending the wedding and more or less supporting the relationship she created. When you wrote Venus to say, "He has no idea what he's in for," I assumed it would go into the twist ending because she seemed so appalled by his behavior from the painting, I assumed she would do something that would upset him. If you stick with her creating the human from a statue out of humor, maybe you could alter the line before hand to be less apathetic - she seems to not really care when she says "I suppose I'll step in." but then has a change of tone to "He has no idea what he's in for,".
The line "If it'll get him to stop abusing that poor statue" made me laugh. You gave great description of what was happening that I was feeling what Venus was - that his actions with the statue were past the line of creepy haha. I also like that you gave a full ending with the final commentary from Venus, it made the story come full circle.
Hey there Jacob!
ReplyDeleteI liked this story when I originally read it, so I'm glad that you decided to select it for a revision in your own words c: I like the inclusion of modern dialogue. I do wonder though if anyone around Venus at the time also spoke with modern language or if they all spoke in a more older-roman style speech. I noticed that the statue spoke with a modern language as well. Both takes were very comical and nice, I just wished that I got more of that from other perspectives like Pygmalion or maybe another male character as well? To get more flow for the style you were going with. You could even throw in the older style of speech but keep it comical without going modern if you'd like!
Also I was wondering, does the statue have knowledge on what all Pygmalion has done with her since being created or did she just automatically become flesh and bone with a strong affection for him? You could give her a bit of backstory in what she was like before coming to be real and I think it would add a lot more emotion to your story or even extra opportunities for comedy. Overall I got a Hercules storytelling style view from your passage and it was a fun read. Good job!
Hi Jacob! I think it was so clever to tell this story from Venus’s point of view. I thought you did a really good job at making her seem vain and prideful. It might have been interesting if in her pride Venus brought the statue back to life, but made her ugly so she wouldn’t be more beautiful than the goddess. I also thought it was very funny that you made Venus grossed and creeped out by Pygmalion’s obsession with the ivory woman that he creates. I thought your dialogue was very well written, it sounded like something an actual person would say. I just wish there was more of it, maybe from Pygmalion, or the statue, or maybe even of the other townspeople or other gods who saw what Pygmalion did and were similarly creeped out. Also, it might be nice to have a little bit more descriptive writing in there about their wedding.
ReplyDeleteHi Jacob!
ReplyDeleteThe site is great, and I love the galaxy image. I might recommend placing the Comment Wall link on the Home page itself, rather than at the end of the stories.
Pygmalion is one of my favorite Greek stories, and this rendition brings to life my own feelings when reading it for the first time. Venus was a great choice for the narrative viewpoint, and allowing her to voice the exasperation, curiosity, and at times borderline disgust over the eccentric Pygmalion brings a nice sense of depth to the story. The dialogue is well structured and realistic.
Two minor suggestions:
The sentence "She looked on as Pygmalion kissed his ivory woman and jumped back..." could perhaps be tweaked a little, I read this and thought Venus was jumping back at first, not Pygmalion. I also think there might be a typo in the sentence after, where "breasts hand" could be just "and" (unless there's supposed to be a comma between the two words).
Great story! Can't wait to see what comes next.
Sorry, one more thing:
ReplyDeleteI'd love to know what Hymelian means! Maybe on the Home page there could be a bit of introduction for your site and why that name in particular!
Hi Jacob,
ReplyDeleteI really like your “Sun Wu Kung” story! I love how creative and easy-to-read your story is. It was interesting to see the mother sigh although Jacob was so confident about his tests. I also really like your interesting story of the Handsome King of the Apes: Sun Wu Kung. He certainly is a fascinating character who has a unique personality. The arrogance and pride of Sun Wu Kung was the cause of his eventual downfall. It’s very interesting to see Buddha in the story. I read the story of Prince Siddhartha (Buddha’s Indian birth name) and his growing-up story. The best part of the story was when Sun Wu Kung was challenged by Buddha and could not even escape his hand! The story of Sun Wu Kung is very fascinating. I wonder how the story would have been turned out differently if Sun Wu Kung was more humble like Buddha. He might have avoided getting captured and imprisoned by Buddha. While reading the story, I also thought about the ways Sun Wu Kung could become more humble despite being handsome and having several talents. Thank you for a great post!
Hi Jacob, I just like Laura would love to get a bit more fleshed out introduction and it is interesting to see an explanation of the word Hymelian. I noticed a typo? "Sun Wu Kung was a stone app", this should be ape, right?
ReplyDeleteI like that you changed the story and told it as a bed time story. I think it works really well for the format of the story and puts the story into a context that most of the readers are familiar with. I actually read this story on your blog earlier this week and I was wondering why it was so extremely familiar to me, haha.
Going into your second story I wonder if it would be better to put the authors not for both stories in the same place (either on the top or the bottom of both of the stories), just to make the stories go together a bit more smoothly.
- Anna Margret
Hi! I really like the spacing and layout of your stories and site. It makes it really easy on the eyes and easy to read. I second the typo someone else mentioned, where you said "stone app" instead of ape. I like that you told the story of Sun Wu Kung as a bedtime story and made it more relate-able for modern kids. I like the story of Pygmalion. Even though you didn't change it much from the original, it was interesting to see it told from the viewpoint of Venus and that you gave her more dialogue. I also agree with another comment that it might make the book flow better if you always put the author's note either at the beginning or end. Since you put the author's note at the beginning of your first story, when I read the second story, I thought you had forgotten to add one. I had to go back and look again to find it.
ReplyDeleteHello Jacob!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I got to read your stories this week. I like your website but was wondering what Hymelian is? I tried to google it and could not really find anything. It would be a cool addition to your front page just to introduce everyone. Also, the space theme seems kind of disconnected from the stories. On to your stories, your first story is so cute. Reading children’s fairytales and folktales is my favorite part of this class and it was a great choice to retell one. I took the Indian Epics part of this class in the spring and loved the Jakata Tales and now in Mythology and Folklore, I am so glad there are more like them. I think you did a great job with the retelling and the picture that accompanied it was perfect. I also really enjoyed your second story and cannot wait to come back and read more!
Hi Jacob! I enjoyed both your stories, the one on the Monkey King and the one on Pygmalion. While they were both well-written, I found I enjoyed Pygmalion the most. I enjoyed Venus's commentary and I liked how you wrote her dialogue and thoughts in a modern manner. It made it much easier to see her point of view on things and I found it interesting that some of my thoughts were reflected in hers, such as when she said she felt "sort of grossed out" haha. One thing that did grab my attention was that you put your author's note for the first story at the top, but at the end of the story for the second. Is there any particular reason why? While I am actually glad the second story's author's note was at the bottom so that I did not ruin any surprises of the story, it kind of threw me off when I went into the second story wanting some background like I was able to get for the first. Overall, I found your style of writing fun and easy to follow.
ReplyDeleteHi Jacob! I love your banner image for the home page! First person point-of-view is my favorite style of story telling because I find it easier to follow and you really get a feel for the main character's personality. The Sun Wu Kung story was very enjoyable! I liked how you introduced your main story of the King by using it as a bedtime story being told by the mother! I think adding a little more of a back story behind the current Lord of the Heavens would benefit the story, but other than that I think your first story was very well written. I loved your spin of Ovid's story! While reading I still imagined the characters living in a much older time, but the way Venus sometimes spoke was more modern. The only suggestion I would have is to include how Pygamlion knew Venus was the one who changed his statue into a real woman.
ReplyDeleteHey Jacob!
ReplyDeleteYour banner is pretty fun on your first page. I like that it takes up the whole page - it is really pleasing to the eye.
I liked that the first story was kind of like a two in one. I know many kids who could use some humbling so that would be a fun story for more people to hear! I would like to hear more backstory on the child though. It is just all about how he recently did good but I would like a little bit of history on how he has excelled his entire life. I do love that he has a caring mother and he cares about her too. It is nice to see some family life. I think The Hymelian was a really fun take on that story - it made me want to go back and read it for myself!
Hi Jacob! I really enjoyed looking through your project. You seem to have a keen eye for how to set up a website aesthetically. The cover image you chose on the front page is fantastic and really caught my attention. My favorite part of your website was that you included a video! In eleven weeks of me doing project feedback in this class you are the first person I have come across who has incorporated a video into their project. I like how your first story had multiple plots in a sense. What if you spend a little more time developing your characters though? I feel like the plots were so good, it would be exponentially better if I knew the characters better. This is a very small critique though. You do a great job of retaining so many good aspects of the original stories as well. I really enjoyed your project and good luck with the rest of the semester.
ReplyDeleteHi Jacob! I have noticed a common writing style throughout your stories and I think that it is great that you have come up with a way you like to write. Each one of your stories has a lot of dialogue and character interactions and I think that really helps them come to life. Your story about the Ken doll is a great example of that. You had many characters bickering back and forth and it made it super easy to picture them all sitting around a conference table arguing. I also like how you added a clip to you story Handsome King of the Apes. Seems like you are doing a great job so far, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHey Jacob. I just read The Creation of Ken and really like how you used toys instead of animals. I read the original story and know how it was animals that wanted to create a human but was confused a little because how would animals create humans. With your story you decided to make it so the toys would make a toy as well that way they have kind of an idea of what works and doesn't work. Like the original story you had all the toys want their ideas to be used which would not have worked since it would have just been a mashup of all the toys. Instead you made the president combine all the good parts and made the perfect toy. This worked out well because since you used a little bit of each toy and their best parts it made for the best toy they all could have imagined even if some of them are upset they weren't included more in it.
ReplyDeleteHi Jacob, I really enjoyed reading your story The Creation of Ken! I like how you chose to alter the story by creating it in the setting of a toy company. I think this is such a cool idea. I would recommend mentioning the toy company, in some regard, at the beginning of the story. Without reading your author’s note first, I don’t think my first thought would have been “toy company” while initially reading. I do think it would become clear after finishing the story, if that was the goal you were trying to achieve. I also like how you incorporated the funny abbreviations. Your story was easy to follow and was a fun read! I did note one grammatical error: His name with Bucky; I think you meant to say, His name was Bucky. I also think you have a lot of room to extent the story if you chose to do so. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jacob! Your first story "The Creation of Ken" was great considering I had already read the story you based it on. Your recreation of the story was quite clever and compelling. The ways the animals also had a part in it was brilliant. Much like yourself, I often take the older stories I have been reading from this class and recreate them to match more of our society. This was a great story to use for that. Also the "Handsome Kind of the Apes" was just as good. I really enjoyed how you incorporated a song into it, not many others have added an element such as music. One thing you should work on is making sure your links to the comment wall are on each page of the portfolio and that the links work. Maybe add it to the home page as well! Nice job overall!
ReplyDeleteHi Jacob! I like the photos you've chosen for your stories. I read the story based on the Miwok creation story, and I liked it a lot. You had a really great extrapolation from the original story, and your adaptation was clear and fun to read. I like how you snuck in little hints about the animals in the original story into your adaptation. Mr. Coy, Lionel (he's a lion right?) and is Baltazar Ear a bear? That was a fun playful trick, and since you put your Author's Note in the beginning, I was in on the joke. I loved it, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jacob!
ReplyDeleteAs an Asian, Sun Wu Kung was my childhood. If you are interesting in Sun Wu Kung, the serial movie of "The journey to the west" film 1986 is pleased to watch. I had been watch the film several times. Of course, the quality of the movie is not good (because it is too old), it is great film i had ever watched.
Transformed the original into a bedtime story was a great idea. Sun Wu Kung' nature was very stubborn (because he was born from an eggstone, i guessed), but he also was an emotional type of person. He was willing to do anything to protect his family. I thought the moral lesson here was much more than being humble, but to live a life with ideals. Maybe the roadblock was an hidden opportunity!
Hi Jacob! I really enjoyed your first story, it was full of clever names. It was easy to guess what animal each person represented by their name and description. You did a great job remixing the old story to create a new story that was easy to follow and imagine. I could picture the toymakers all gathered around a table arguing about the design of the new doll. I loved your second story. When I was in the Mythology and Folklore class last semester, I also wrote a story about Sun Wu Kung. It's such a fascinating tale. I like the dialogue that you use in this story, it helps paint a clear picture of what is happening. Your third story is a great read as well. I like how your portfolio covers a wide variety of stories and topics. I also love the layout of your website. Happy Thanksgiving and good luck finishing out the semester.
ReplyDeleteHey Jacob! First of all, The Creation of Ken is a hilarious parallel to the creation of man! I think it’s really unique to tell this story about a toy doll from business men’s perspectives. It is also funny how you made the people have animal-like characteristics that mimic the original story. I do feel like Baltazar is a weird name for a bear, but i like that the initials are B. Ear, I would have just chosen a different first name like Barry. I like how in your second story, you include music that helps to set the scene. I love it when myths are told as bedtime stories, because it makes them more relatable. In Pygmalion, I’m glad you told it from Venus’ point of view because she is an important mythological figure. It’s also really funny in the end how Venus thinks she has a shot of dating their son! Good job.
ReplyDeleteHi Jacob! I have read the story of Pygmalion for this class, so I was familiar with the original. I liked that you kept the story mostly the same, keeping the story that Pygmalion creates a statue of ivory, falls in love with it, and Venus brings it to life. I also liked how you included more of Venus's thoughts in this story. I think it was funny and appropriate that you included her slight disgust with him; I feel like that is something the readers slightly feel towards Pygmalion for falling in love with a stature but feel like they just have to get over when reading. I like how readers can feel that Venus shares their feelings in the story. I also liked how you include her thoughts about how the statue does not look like her. I feel like Venus is a very vain goddess, and expects everyone to think of her as the epitome of beauty.
ReplyDeleteHello Jacob, I am back and this time I was able to read Pygmalion! I believe I was actually able to read this as a rougher draft on your blog, and I had enjoyed it the first time so it was nice to be able to read it again more cleaned up. I really liked how it was kind of from Venus's perspective and you could really get a good feel of her though processes and character. I especially liked the ending where she talked about how maybe Pygmalion and the statue-made-woman's son might be cute enough to go after her. Her personality was very constant throughout the whole story so it felt all the more real. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Jacob! Your first story paralleling a new toy with the creation of man was amazing! I hadn't recognized the names of each animal in the story until the end; you did a fantastic job creating the names for each of them. I laughed at how the animals loved his idea, not thinking of how they forced his hand into the design work. Your second story about Sun Wu Kung as a moral from a mother to her child. I was definitely that child who didn't have to study for tests before college, so I can relate to the cockiness about exams they displayed. I think it would've been hilarious if they had been even more rebellious after she told the story, but it's a nice story that they did decide to reflect. Your Pygmalion story was also a fun read. I like that Venus was able to put aside her own love for him to give him his one true love. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Jacob!
ReplyDeleteThe layout of your blog is quite interesting. I love the background that we see when we first entire the page because the Milky Way is not just beautiful but symbolic of the connectedness of universes we read about. There is no doubt in my mind that these stories are all connected in some form or another. I think your individual stories had very different ways about them but your writing style of heavy dialogue usage was very prominent throughout each of the stories. I enjoyed the Ken story the most because it was an imaginative genius of a piece! Keeping a similar writing style through the whole blog was a great move on your part because it really did tie your message together. I am really glad that your stories were one of the last ones I read in this class because they really did help me end on a high note!
Hi there Jacob! Your first story, The Creation of Ken was really fun to read. I especially liked how you made the character's names little puns that referenced the original story. The banner image on your homepage was beautiful! I really liked that you put the author's notes first. That helps anyone who hasn't read the original story know what they are about to read. It was kind of sad to read the ending to the first story because that exact situation unfortunately happens quite a lot in offices around the country. I also really like that you put a video in your second story that was something I really hadn't been expecting! You did a really nice job with paragraph spacing on all of your stories. By making the chunks look shorter on the screen, it's easier for readers to not get overwhelemed at the amount of text there is.
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